Wedding Night Intimacy – Part 3

 

Before we discuss wedding night intimacy problems specifically, remember to download and read – (or listen to the audio version) your FREE report ‘How To Have Better Sex, Wonderful Relationships & Transform Your Life’. 

In Wedding Night Intimacy Part 1 and Part 2 we discussed general ways to make sure your first night as a  married couple is the best it can be.

Now in Part 3 we’re starting to discuss more specific intimacy questions and problems.

One of the biggest wedding night intimacy issues for girls and women: 

• Who haven’t had sex before.

• Who’ve had problems in the past with vaginal pain – or

• Who’ve been sexually abused or raped.

… is the intimacy question – ‘is it going to hurt?’ and ‘how can I make sure it doesn’t?’

Let’s just discuss what can cause vaginal pain or discomfort and then look at how you can prevent it from happening.

The vagina is basically a tube of muscles covered by a surface similar to the inside of your mouth.   The muscles are folded and can stretch – far enough to allow the passage of a baby – so they can stretch a long way!

At the upper end – the vagina closes off around the neck of the womb (the cervix).  And the neck of the womb is closed, unless you’re in the last stages of having a baby.  So there’s nowhere for anything to get lost in there!

The vaginal lining and the neck of the womb, contain small glands that produce fluid to lubricate the vagina.  When you become sexually excited or have sexual thoughts or fantasies, the glands automatically produce more fluid, to make intercourse easier and to make it easier for sperm to swim from the vagina into the womb.  

As with all things women vary in this too.  Some women produce a great deal of lubricating fluid very quickly and others produce very little, however, excited they get, so its worth buying some lubricating jelly – it can be useful and also fun to use – for external and internal massage – before you have intercourse.

In the past women expected their first sexual experience to be uncomfortable and to cause bleeding, as the hymen was broken.  The hymen is a thin sheet of tissue, that partially closes the vagina in baby girls.  However, the hymen is almost never still intact in girls or women having sex for the first time in this modern age, because young girls are so physically active now, that the hymen usually tears naturally and disappears at a very early age, without her ever being aware of its existence.

If a woman is very tense or anxious about making love, just as her neck and back muscles may become tense, or she might get a headache due to tension in the muscles of her scalp, so she may get tension and spasm in her vaginal muscles.

Vaginismus – is tension or spasm of the vaginal muscles – due to anxiety.  

The spasm can be so strong it can completely prevent anything entering the vagina or cause pain in the vagina if penetration is attempted. 

Or the tension may be less intense and allow penetration with difficulty and with some discomfort.

You may have experienced tension or pain in your vaginal muscles if you’ve tried to examine or explore yourself but been anxious about what you were doing, if you’ve had a rough or insensitive gynae exam – or if you’ve attempted to have, sex before you were completely ready physically or emotionally.  

In addition to muscular tension, vaginal discomfort and pain can be caused by lack of adequate lubrication – particularly if you’ve tried to insert a dry tampon or un-lubricated finger – or – again – if you’ve attempted to have intercourse without adequate lubrication.  

Unfortunately, if you’ve once experienced vaginal pain or discomfort, it can be self-perpetuating, since your mind gets prepared for it to happen again.  So – next time you try – you’re vaginal muscles automatically go into spasm due to your anxiety and so then of courses it does hurt!

[Much more rarely vaginal dryness or pain can be caused by hormonal imbalance or vaginal infection.   These issues are dealt with more fully in other intimacy questions articles.]

So how can you prevent or get over the problem of vaginismus – vaginal pain or discomfort?

First it’s obviously helpful to know yourself intimately – first to know your own anatomy and then to know how your body reacts and what it finds pleasurable.  You cannot expect your spouse to know what you don’t know yourself.

As you go through the following exercises its very important you notice if you have any uncomfortable feelings or thoughts.  If you don’t that’s great, but if you do, make a note of those feelings and thoughts – because if they are not cleared they will be a cause of problems in your enjoyment not only of wedding night intimacy but of intimacy for years to come – and could even be the downfall of your marriage! 

So keep a notebook ready.  Then you can use the clearing methods you’ll learn in the MakeLoveForLife.com program to clear through any uncomfortable or unsupportive thoughts, feelings or reactions.

Now if you haven’t done if already

• Take a mirror and look at your genitals (giving these important and beautiful body parts a less clinical name can help you to relax and to love your body more – in tantra this part of your body is called your Yoni for example).

Click Here to see a diagram showing where the clitoris is located and what else you will see in the mirror.

The diagram here is a very general guide only – each woman varies as much in this area as she can do in her face and in the rest of her body.   Some women for example have very small inner lips and many others have very large ones, which protrude well beyond the outer lips, often with one lip longer than another.

There is no right or wrong about any of this – they are all just variations on normal, like having big breasts, a big nose or tiny feet!

• Now put a little lubricating jelly on your index or middle finger and gently slide your finger into the entrance of your vagina, gradually continuing as far as you can go.  Feel around and notice the folds in the muscle walls and the moisture of the inner surface.

If you feel right to the top of the vagina you may be able to feel your cervix (neck of womb) – a bit like a smooth hard nose with one nostril projecting down.

If you have any difficulty inserting your finger, listen to the relaxation exercise and follow the instructions on the guided audio.

If that’s not enough to resolve the problem the problem entirely you’ll soon be learning more methods in the MakeLoveForLife.com program to make it very easy.

In Wedding Night Intimacy Part 4 we’ll be looking at other specific intimacy questions and problems.

Remember if you still haven’t read it yet – make sure you download and read (or listen to the audio version) your FREE report ‘How To Have Better Sex, Wonderful Relationships & Transform Your Life’.